Table of Contents
What makes people bitter? You’ve tried everything to make someone in your life see the positive side, but the more you try, the more bitter he/she seems. Every word, every action is steeped in negativity.
And it’s tiring. Why are they like that? Where does all this bitterness come from?
More importantly, what can you do about it?
1. They hold grudges as if their lives depend on it.
They won’t forget it. They will not make themselves vulnerable to the same pain. It is better to keep everyone at a safe distance than to risk being exposed or attacked. They see the same warning signs in everyone they meet. Because they are always looking for it.
For them it is a matter of survival. They cannot afford to risk more trauma. They haven’t even dealt with (let alone healed) the one they’re already suffering from.
Resentment is the best way to ensure that they never forget it, and you never have the opportunity to hurt them again.
2. They always complain.
They only focus on the negative and always find something or someone to complain about. It’s not their Life totally sucks and the people are horrible.
Life and other people are the problem. And what else can they do but call it like they see it?
Ask them to stop complaining or think of something good in their lives, and they’ll likely accuse you of “toxic positivity”—as if by asking them to be more positive you’re negating their pain. And now you have become someone they complain about.
3. They are not grateful for the good in their lives.
Most of the time they don’t even see it. They are too busy focusing on what is wrong to notice what is right. And they don’t want you or anyone else to pressure them to be grateful.
As with positive thinking, they interpret any suggestion that they practice gratitude as a self-righteous rejection of what they have suffered in the past – and what they continue to suffer because they refuse to let go of that pain. Or, in their eyes, it doesn’t let them go.
If their primary life experience is negative, expressing gratitude feels unfair.
4. They only want bad things for those who hurt them.
Once someone has hurt or offended the bitter person, there is nothing they can do to earn that person’s forgiveness. If you cross them once, you are an enemy forever.
And enemies should be happy that the bitter person is not hunting them. Things to do, etc.
So the bitter person honestly doesn’t care if bad things happen to people who have hurt or offended him in some way. In fact, she prefer to hear bad news about these perpetrators. They might even be happy about it.
The only disadvantage is that they cannot see how much the other is suffering.
5. They are jealous of everything good that happens to others.
They are especially jealous and angry when something good happens to someone who has hurt or insulted them. If only karma would pass the torch every now and then, they would make sure nothing good happens to those bottom feeders.
Every good thing that happens to someone he is angry at feels like a slap in the face.
If they could turn blessings into curses, they would. And for that reason, their entire existence is a curse rather than a blessing to them.
So they keep wishing the same for others.
Bitter people have a hard time celebrating, even with people they care about. Someone else’s joy feels like life has once again not only passed them by, but also hit them over the head (just for fun) – especially if the one celebrating is an enemy.
Even if they aren’t – even if they are someone the bitter person loves – something inside them blocks their ability to empathize and feel the same joy.
They see other people happy, and it just reminds them how relatively joyless their lives are. They are more likely to feel insulted or left out than to join in the celebration.
7. They go out of their way to get attention.
If someone else gets all the attention, the bitter person will do what he can to upset the intruder and remind everyone she should be in the spotlight.
They’ve already forgotten what that poser said because it’s not as important as anything she have to share. And to spice things up, they embellish the news with a little exaggeration (just a little bit) and an extra helping of melodrama.
If the response isn’t what they hoped for, they’ll step up their game and come up with a juicy scandal. Or, if possible, they will make a scene that humiliates the object of their jealousy.
8. They are cynical.
They expect the worst from people. Because people are, well, the worst, some more than others. They also expect the worst from life, even when good things happen.
They are more likely to focus on negative details or explain away any blessings.
They often use sarcasm or derogatory language to express their thoughts. Negative thoughts are the only ones they entertain with any regularity, so most, if not all, of what comes out of their mouths is also negative.
And if other people “knew” what they were doing, they would think the same.
9. They are quick to blame others for their problems.
Bitter people are more likely to blame others for their problems than to take responsibility for them. The very idea that they could prolong their own suffering is anathema to them – evidence of that You just don’t understand it.
No matter how wary they are at the idea of being a victim, they quickly turn any complaint into an opportunity to blame someone else.
Ask them what they can do to improve their situation, and they’re more likely to point to the obstacles (real or imaginary) and blame someone else for putting them there.
How can the bad things in their lives be their fault if they are the ones suffering?
10. They have nothing positive to say about positive people.
The bitter person often has harsh words for those who are described as positive people. Anyone who describes their life in glowing terms, expresses gratitude, and dwells on what they love must be a fake, a Pollyanna, or an idiot.
They must not have experienced what the bitter person suffered. They couldn’t possibly have suffered so much (let alone worse) if they stay positive all the time.
Bitter people prefer bitter company – people who “get” them. They don’t want their position challenged by someone whose willing smile is a direct insult to their chosen mentality. Positivity has no place in their world. So neither do positive people.
11. They make (and defend) sweeping assumptions.
The bitter person cannot look too closely at what he says, thinks or does. No matter how quick they are to criticize others, they cannot bring themselves to ask, “Is this really true?” about something she presented as true or factual. It must are true, and how dare you suggest otherwise?
Ask them for their sources and chances are they will have little more than assertions and insults to back them up.
Faced with something that doesn’t fit their idea of what people should be, the bitter person will make assumptions about him or her (which are likely to be unflattering).
And they like to share what they ‘know’.